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Entry tags:
you will always find me when I run away
title: inevitability of breathing
series: Saint Seiya: the Lost Canvas
characters: Degel & Kardia + others
rating: pg
summary: The beginning of things. Degel resents it.
author notes: part 1/3
They met in the spring.
In Greece the heat had already begun to rise, after years in Siberia it felt too ridiculously hot to be a spring day. It was something that he would have to adjust to, Degel knew, Siberia far away and in the past now. He wasn’t sure when he would ever have an opportunity to return to that place, cold and barren but overflowing with memories that warmed his heart. Degel followed Sisyphus dutifully, mopping his brow as they made their way down weaving stairs.
He was relieved each time they passed under the shadow of one of the temples, shielding him from the sun that Degel had almost forgotten about. Sisyphus looked over his shoulder a few times at Degel, spoke kindly to him as they made their way down the mountain. “You will become accustomed to it,” the older saint assured quietly and Degel realised after a moment that neither of them really knew what to say yet. It was comforting that he was not the only one that was not yet completely prepared for this. And he was glad for the understanding in Sisyphus’ eyes. It was not easy but life never came easily to saints, to anyone perhaps. Degel thought back to the cold wind and hiding sun that he’d adopted as a second home, it was not easy there either.
From Athena’s temple they had passed four temples. The roof of Scorpio temple was like a refuge for a moment.
The abrupt flare of someone’s Cosmo from within the temple made Degel tense but the attack that came had still been unexpected. At his feet there was a dent in the previously flawless marble. Degel berated himself (too slow), reacting belatedly, his Cosmo rose in response to the threat, dropping into a defensive stance automatically.
“Kardia!” Sisyphus placed a hand on Degel’s shoulder as he shouted into the temple, a slightly frantic edge in his voice. A moment later a figure finally emerged, a boy shorter than Degel, limbs long and thin, almost sickly. Surrounding him was that Cosmo that had lashed out and still continued to press against Degel’s, it was making him sweat even more than the sun outside. “Stand down, both of you.”
For a moment longer their eyes bore into each others, Degel still tense. He couldn’t read what was in the gaze directed at him. His confusion only mounted when the pressure from the other Saint (Scorpio, he understood that now) finally dispersed. Degel did the same though he didn’t drop his guard yet. It wasn’t until he saw Sisyphus flexing his fingers from the corner of his eyes that he realised he must have chilled the other man unintentionally.
“I thought you were enemies,” Kardia, Kardia of Scorpio, did not bother to hide the disappointment in his voice. Degel almost didn’t follow when Sisyphus approached Kardia, still expecting to be attacked at any moment. “I admire your attentiveness but you should be able to distinguish another Saint’s Cosmo by now,” Sisyphus had taken on a gentle chiding tone, as if this weren’t the first occurrence. Degel had to wonder, what kind of saint was this?
Kardia’s gaze snapped towards Degel when he spoke, “You are facing the wrong way for enemies.” Perhaps there was a condescending tilt to his voice but Degel could hardly hold it back.
“Perhaps Spectres are inventive.”
“It is too early for that.”
“Then they should hurry up!”
Sisyphus cleared his throat softly, breaking up what could have become an argument. Degel just balked at Kardia. “Hurry up”, it was as if he yearned for the Holy War. He looked to Sisyphus, wondering why he had brought Degel here to meet this unreasonable boy. Unfortunately Sisyphus gave him no answer except to guide them closer until Degel was beginning to feel challenged again.
“Degel this is Kardia of Scorpio,” Sisyphus started, voice gentle and kind, understanding in a way that Degel couldn’t bring himself to be irritated with the older man.
“Sisyphus!” Kardia raised his voice, reluctant to be ignored even for a moment, as he spoke he gestured with his hands, making meaningless motions and shapes. The Sanctuary had many odd characters, Degel decided. He had yet to meet most of the other Gold Saints, some of the temples were still empty like Leo and Cancer, but the ones that he had met were all intriguing characters. Kardia though, Degel thought him outright strange. Sisyphus must have had infinite patience, the way he spoke to Kardia and the fact that their temples were adjacent.
Sisyphus placed his hand on Kardia’s shoulder and then on Degel’s, drawing the two of them even closer. Kardia twitched, as if he wanted to lash out and strike Degel. If he did at least Degel was still on guard. “Kardia, this is Degel of Aquarius,” Sisyphus paused, watching the two of them stare each other down. Kardia seemed like a person too distracted to focus his attention on one person for so long but he was staring at Degel now, shoulders tensing the moment he heard ‘Aquarius.’ “You two will be good companions.”
Degel turned to look at Sisyphus in confusion.
“No.”
.
“Why me?” It came out sounding like a whine, Degel couldn’t help it. He couldn’t forget the way Kardia’s eyes had bore into him, as if trying to burn a hole in his skull, nor could he forget the way the other had responded to Sisyphus’ statement.
No.
No.
No was right, Degel had little desire to acquaint himself with that unreasonable boy any more than necessary. He only felt more aggravated by Sisyphus response to his questions.
“In time you will understand.”
It was as if there was something being deliberately kept from Degel. And the look on Kardia’s face when they met, certainly even that unreasonable boy knew. That almost bothered him more, that Kardia would know but this information would be withheld from him. It was a bit pathetic. He was a saint; it was unbefitting of him to behave like an ordinary child even if someone else clearly didn’t care to contain their immature behavior.
Besides, there was no defying a direct order from the Pope. Degel gazed at the Scorpio temple, reluctant to take those final steps.
“It is Degel of Aquarius, I am entering,” he announced himself tersely at the threshold, taking those last steps a breath after. He wasn’t sure if announcing himself would prevent Kardia from attacking or spur him on.
It seemed to do nothing at all, silence answering him. Degel stepped further into the temple, the bright midday light illuminating deep into the temple. No one, perhaps he should have just left it there. If not for a brief flicker of another’s Cosmo then Degel would have. Maybe he was just indignant (to be so blatantly ignored); Degel wandered through the temple his footsteps bouncing off the marble walls. He would not be dismissed just like that.
All the temples were similarly built, rooms that were hidden at the sides of the structure, the centre hollowed for people to pass through or not. At first he had the impression that Kardia had arrived at the Sanctuary before Degel but peering into those few room he wasn’t sure. Each sparsely decorated, if the tables had not been bare of dust it would have looked as if no one had lived in the temple for years. Degel had never owned much, his Cloth the most important thing in his life perhaps but still he had his things. His clothing, his books, half written letters that he intended to send to Unity, there were things that were set aside, furniture rearranged, Degel could not imagine living in a temple in the state that the Scorpio Temple was in (like a relic, frozen in time).
The final door he couldn’t open completely, banging against something not entirely hard. Degel peered around, finding Kardia sitting there with his knees pulled to his chest, staring at Degel with an indiscernible expression.
“Not a very clever hiding spot,” this room too, it seemed Kardia was the only thing out of place here.
“I do not need to hide from you, nor do I need to greet you.”
Degel stepped into the room, closing the door behind him so that it was no longer pushing on Kardia. “Maybe not but I was ordered to check on you each day, can’t we be civil?”
It was the wrong thing to say Degel realized when a foot lashed out to kick him in the shin. (A child’s kick, not a Gold Saint’s kick thankfully.) Degel sighed, exasperated, “Must you act like such a child?”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
Sitting on the floor his knees drawn up, certainly he didn’t look much more than a child. Degel wondered how much younger than him could Kardia be, not much certainly. He sat down next to Kardia, keeping space between them so that he wouldn’t be kicked so easily again. It was a moment of tense silence before Kardia spoke, “You checked on me, shouldn’t you go now?”
“I don’t feel like it,” they could both be children if that was the way that Kardia insisted on being.
.
Kardia did not do much at first; he would simply glare at Degel during his visits. They were uneventful (but somehow significant), each time, each day that Degel would find Kardia in some corner of his temple and then stay longer simply out of spite. Something done everyday without fail, it was incredible how quickly it became habit. Degel could feel the tension radiating from Kardia every minute that he lingered. It became a one-sided staring match until eventually Kardia shifted or growled, sometimes he would seem to collapse onto himself and then roll back into a sitting position.
Degel quickly discovered that Kardia could not spend long sitting still.
“What are you doing,” Kardia demanded, perhaps he’d finally tired of the silence, he was on his back, both legs pushed over his head. (Kardia was strange always; something crooked or bent about how he held himself even if he did nothing else.)
It grew tiring each day to come and sit silently in some unspoken contest of will. Degel glanced over the cover of his book, “I am reading.”
These silences that stretched between them could mean anything, Degel tried not to interpret them, finding it a futile effort. “What are you reading?” Degel tried not to put too much weight in the words said now, it was too strange for Kardia to be interested in Degel in any way; it must have been something else.
“Can’t you read?”
“No,” the answer came quick and sharp as if Kardia had anticipated the question.
Maybe it wasn’t fair to not even try.
.
They graduated from silence to simple sentences, short and curt (but only barely). Degel wondered if he should speak more, ask more. Shouldn’t they be making some progress? (It would be for the better if he had to do this every day.)
“What is that smell?”
The temple still seemed empty as if Kardia barely touched it aside from walking through, drifting through really, as if he were some ghost. Today though there were branches and leaves spread across the cool floor. Kardia had the bottom half of his tunic pulled up and his stomach pressed to the marble floor.
Degel was almost tempted to imitate that, it was a particularly hot day, so warm that even the insects were too tired to cry.
Kardia held out a leaf to Degel instead of answering, “That.”
“Yes, I figured.”
It was too hot to pursue the conversation (if it could be called such) further. Degel wiped at his brow. His hair had grown longer in the months here, sticking to the back of his neck and the sides of his face.
“Stop that!” The way Kardia yelled startled Degel. They had fallen into something almost like companionship in the past weeks, he hadn’t expected that tone nor the quiver in the air. It was colder and then it was hotter, Kardia’s cosmo rising even when Degel’s receded.
Kardia was angry. Degel occasionally wondered at the depth and complexity of Kardia’s feelings. Did he not trust Degel, to react so violently to what had been an unconscious rise in Degel’s cosmo?
“Kardia? I’m sorry.”
“Leave.”
They spoke at the same time and were quiet following, a silence different even from the tense silence that they had begun with. Degel pressed his lips into a line, irritated.
“Fine.”
.
Degel hesitated outside of Scorpio temple, delaying the inevitable (the sort of inevitable), without really understanding why.
It wasn’t as if the outburst had been out of Kardia’s character as Degel knew him.
It wasn’t as if they were friends that had argued.
Degel hardly even understood the necessity of these visits, necessity that only those that were not him or Kardia insisted on. What was the point?
Degel turned back without understand why he’d come or gone.
series: Saint Seiya: the Lost Canvas
characters: Degel & Kardia + others
rating: pg
summary: The beginning of things. Degel resents it.
author notes: part 1/3
They met in the spring.
In Greece the heat had already begun to rise, after years in Siberia it felt too ridiculously hot to be a spring day. It was something that he would have to adjust to, Degel knew, Siberia far away and in the past now. He wasn’t sure when he would ever have an opportunity to return to that place, cold and barren but overflowing with memories that warmed his heart. Degel followed Sisyphus dutifully, mopping his brow as they made their way down weaving stairs.
He was relieved each time they passed under the shadow of one of the temples, shielding him from the sun that Degel had almost forgotten about. Sisyphus looked over his shoulder a few times at Degel, spoke kindly to him as they made their way down the mountain. “You will become accustomed to it,” the older saint assured quietly and Degel realised after a moment that neither of them really knew what to say yet. It was comforting that he was not the only one that was not yet completely prepared for this. And he was glad for the understanding in Sisyphus’ eyes. It was not easy but life never came easily to saints, to anyone perhaps. Degel thought back to the cold wind and hiding sun that he’d adopted as a second home, it was not easy there either.
From Athena’s temple they had passed four temples. The roof of Scorpio temple was like a refuge for a moment.
The abrupt flare of someone’s Cosmo from within the temple made Degel tense but the attack that came had still been unexpected. At his feet there was a dent in the previously flawless marble. Degel berated himself (too slow), reacting belatedly, his Cosmo rose in response to the threat, dropping into a defensive stance automatically.
“Kardia!” Sisyphus placed a hand on Degel’s shoulder as he shouted into the temple, a slightly frantic edge in his voice. A moment later a figure finally emerged, a boy shorter than Degel, limbs long and thin, almost sickly. Surrounding him was that Cosmo that had lashed out and still continued to press against Degel’s, it was making him sweat even more than the sun outside. “Stand down, both of you.”
For a moment longer their eyes bore into each others, Degel still tense. He couldn’t read what was in the gaze directed at him. His confusion only mounted when the pressure from the other Saint (Scorpio, he understood that now) finally dispersed. Degel did the same though he didn’t drop his guard yet. It wasn’t until he saw Sisyphus flexing his fingers from the corner of his eyes that he realised he must have chilled the other man unintentionally.
“I thought you were enemies,” Kardia, Kardia of Scorpio, did not bother to hide the disappointment in his voice. Degel almost didn’t follow when Sisyphus approached Kardia, still expecting to be attacked at any moment. “I admire your attentiveness but you should be able to distinguish another Saint’s Cosmo by now,” Sisyphus had taken on a gentle chiding tone, as if this weren’t the first occurrence. Degel had to wonder, what kind of saint was this?
Kardia’s gaze snapped towards Degel when he spoke, “You are facing the wrong way for enemies.” Perhaps there was a condescending tilt to his voice but Degel could hardly hold it back.
“Perhaps Spectres are inventive.”
“It is too early for that.”
“Then they should hurry up!”
Sisyphus cleared his throat softly, breaking up what could have become an argument. Degel just balked at Kardia. “Hurry up”, it was as if he yearned for the Holy War. He looked to Sisyphus, wondering why he had brought Degel here to meet this unreasonable boy. Unfortunately Sisyphus gave him no answer except to guide them closer until Degel was beginning to feel challenged again.
“Degel this is Kardia of Scorpio,” Sisyphus started, voice gentle and kind, understanding in a way that Degel couldn’t bring himself to be irritated with the older man.
“Sisyphus!” Kardia raised his voice, reluctant to be ignored even for a moment, as he spoke he gestured with his hands, making meaningless motions and shapes. The Sanctuary had many odd characters, Degel decided. He had yet to meet most of the other Gold Saints, some of the temples were still empty like Leo and Cancer, but the ones that he had met were all intriguing characters. Kardia though, Degel thought him outright strange. Sisyphus must have had infinite patience, the way he spoke to Kardia and the fact that their temples were adjacent.
Sisyphus placed his hand on Kardia’s shoulder and then on Degel’s, drawing the two of them even closer. Kardia twitched, as if he wanted to lash out and strike Degel. If he did at least Degel was still on guard. “Kardia, this is Degel of Aquarius,” Sisyphus paused, watching the two of them stare each other down. Kardia seemed like a person too distracted to focus his attention on one person for so long but he was staring at Degel now, shoulders tensing the moment he heard ‘Aquarius.’ “You two will be good companions.”
Degel turned to look at Sisyphus in confusion.
“No.”
.
“Why me?” It came out sounding like a whine, Degel couldn’t help it. He couldn’t forget the way Kardia’s eyes had bore into him, as if trying to burn a hole in his skull, nor could he forget the way the other had responded to Sisyphus’ statement.
No.
No.
No was right, Degel had little desire to acquaint himself with that unreasonable boy any more than necessary. He only felt more aggravated by Sisyphus response to his questions.
“In time you will understand.”
It was as if there was something being deliberately kept from Degel. And the look on Kardia’s face when they met, certainly even that unreasonable boy knew. That almost bothered him more, that Kardia would know but this information would be withheld from him. It was a bit pathetic. He was a saint; it was unbefitting of him to behave like an ordinary child even if someone else clearly didn’t care to contain their immature behavior.
Besides, there was no defying a direct order from the Pope. Degel gazed at the Scorpio temple, reluctant to take those final steps.
“It is Degel of Aquarius, I am entering,” he announced himself tersely at the threshold, taking those last steps a breath after. He wasn’t sure if announcing himself would prevent Kardia from attacking or spur him on.
It seemed to do nothing at all, silence answering him. Degel stepped further into the temple, the bright midday light illuminating deep into the temple. No one, perhaps he should have just left it there. If not for a brief flicker of another’s Cosmo then Degel would have. Maybe he was just indignant (to be so blatantly ignored); Degel wandered through the temple his footsteps bouncing off the marble walls. He would not be dismissed just like that.
All the temples were similarly built, rooms that were hidden at the sides of the structure, the centre hollowed for people to pass through or not. At first he had the impression that Kardia had arrived at the Sanctuary before Degel but peering into those few room he wasn’t sure. Each sparsely decorated, if the tables had not been bare of dust it would have looked as if no one had lived in the temple for years. Degel had never owned much, his Cloth the most important thing in his life perhaps but still he had his things. His clothing, his books, half written letters that he intended to send to Unity, there were things that were set aside, furniture rearranged, Degel could not imagine living in a temple in the state that the Scorpio Temple was in (like a relic, frozen in time).
The final door he couldn’t open completely, banging against something not entirely hard. Degel peered around, finding Kardia sitting there with his knees pulled to his chest, staring at Degel with an indiscernible expression.
“Not a very clever hiding spot,” this room too, it seemed Kardia was the only thing out of place here.
“I do not need to hide from you, nor do I need to greet you.”
Degel stepped into the room, closing the door behind him so that it was no longer pushing on Kardia. “Maybe not but I was ordered to check on you each day, can’t we be civil?”
It was the wrong thing to say Degel realized when a foot lashed out to kick him in the shin. (A child’s kick, not a Gold Saint’s kick thankfully.) Degel sighed, exasperated, “Must you act like such a child?”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
Sitting on the floor his knees drawn up, certainly he didn’t look much more than a child. Degel wondered how much younger than him could Kardia be, not much certainly. He sat down next to Kardia, keeping space between them so that he wouldn’t be kicked so easily again. It was a moment of tense silence before Kardia spoke, “You checked on me, shouldn’t you go now?”
“I don’t feel like it,” they could both be children if that was the way that Kardia insisted on being.
.
Kardia did not do much at first; he would simply glare at Degel during his visits. They were uneventful (but somehow significant), each time, each day that Degel would find Kardia in some corner of his temple and then stay longer simply out of spite. Something done everyday without fail, it was incredible how quickly it became habit. Degel could feel the tension radiating from Kardia every minute that he lingered. It became a one-sided staring match until eventually Kardia shifted or growled, sometimes he would seem to collapse onto himself and then roll back into a sitting position.
Degel quickly discovered that Kardia could not spend long sitting still.
“What are you doing,” Kardia demanded, perhaps he’d finally tired of the silence, he was on his back, both legs pushed over his head. (Kardia was strange always; something crooked or bent about how he held himself even if he did nothing else.)
It grew tiring each day to come and sit silently in some unspoken contest of will. Degel glanced over the cover of his book, “I am reading.”
These silences that stretched between them could mean anything, Degel tried not to interpret them, finding it a futile effort. “What are you reading?” Degel tried not to put too much weight in the words said now, it was too strange for Kardia to be interested in Degel in any way; it must have been something else.
“Can’t you read?”
“No,” the answer came quick and sharp as if Kardia had anticipated the question.
Maybe it wasn’t fair to not even try.
.
They graduated from silence to simple sentences, short and curt (but only barely). Degel wondered if he should speak more, ask more. Shouldn’t they be making some progress? (It would be for the better if he had to do this every day.)
“What is that smell?”
The temple still seemed empty as if Kardia barely touched it aside from walking through, drifting through really, as if he were some ghost. Today though there were branches and leaves spread across the cool floor. Kardia had the bottom half of his tunic pulled up and his stomach pressed to the marble floor.
Degel was almost tempted to imitate that, it was a particularly hot day, so warm that even the insects were too tired to cry.
Kardia held out a leaf to Degel instead of answering, “That.”
“Yes, I figured.”
It was too hot to pursue the conversation (if it could be called such) further. Degel wiped at his brow. His hair had grown longer in the months here, sticking to the back of his neck and the sides of his face.
“Stop that!” The way Kardia yelled startled Degel. They had fallen into something almost like companionship in the past weeks, he hadn’t expected that tone nor the quiver in the air. It was colder and then it was hotter, Kardia’s cosmo rising even when Degel’s receded.
Kardia was angry. Degel occasionally wondered at the depth and complexity of Kardia’s feelings. Did he not trust Degel, to react so violently to what had been an unconscious rise in Degel’s cosmo?
“Kardia? I’m sorry.”
“Leave.”
They spoke at the same time and were quiet following, a silence different even from the tense silence that they had begun with. Degel pressed his lips into a line, irritated.
“Fine.”
.
Degel hesitated outside of Scorpio temple, delaying the inevitable (the sort of inevitable), without really understanding why.
It wasn’t as if the outburst had been out of Kardia’s character as Degel knew him.
It wasn’t as if they were friends that had argued.
Degel hardly even understood the necessity of these visits, necessity that only those that were not him or Kardia insisted on. What was the point?
Degel turned back without understand why he’d come or gone.